Willow

As I said before, I just watched this movie the other night and wow...WOW...it was horrible! I can't believe I liked this movie when I was little let alone wanted to EVER watch it again. I remember the movie being a little on the dark side, fantastic in nature (spells, elves, swords, etc), and epic. I almost want to say my memory makes me think of it as a precursor to the Lord of the Rings: Trilogy, it was not at all. It was a generically made fantasy movie in a world that didn't quite make sense. Which leads me to my first point:

Holes in the plot were everywhere. First, that kid is a princess? Her mother didn't look like a queen in the beginning of the movie. And if that dirty looking woman was a queen, wouldn't the country have, you know, gone to war over her being kidnapped and all? Maybe the king just got sauced one night and banged an ale-wench or something...that's the only thing I can come up with. Also, why the hell does the evil queen have to go through that half day ritual to kill the kid? Why didn't she just stab her and be done with it? And why did the queen get so old when she was doing the ritual? There's nothing in the story that explains that either. Okay, I'm going to stop here and move onto another point because I could go on all day with this one.

The musical score was literally irritating to listen too. The music seemed pieced together from other movies like Superman and Star Wars, but didn't quite make it to that quality. It was imitation and those blaring trumpets and wailing violins didn't rev up my emotions, it just made me uncomfortable and want the scene to end. I think the worst offender of this was the cart battle scene...pure agony right there.

Speaking of the cart battle scene, why oh why were those Brownies added? I know they're supposed to be the comic relief but they wound up being more agitating then the sound track. I'll just sum up most of the events with them into one word: Unnecessary.

You also have the obviously made up names of a lot of the characters that come right out of a Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Queen Bavmorda, Vohnkar, Burglekutt...it's like someone took a bunch of scrabble pieces and shuffled them around until you could pronounce something.

The there's the emotional instability of the characters (the two worst offenders are Willow and Madmartigan...wait, those are the main characters...). I swear they're manic depressive! A good example is when Madmartigan swears his loyalty to Lorna and decides he's going to follow her on the quest then freaks out at Willow for no apparent reason (not like he protested going there in the first place) that they followed the lead to destroyed castle. WTF?

Last but not least is the character Sorsha. She had such potential to be badass and then she goes and betrays her own mother because a guy (with bad teeth) spouts poor quality poetry to her before eventually kidnapping her to save his skin. Doesn't her kingdom have any good looking guys for her to pass her time with? I mean, she's an attractive girl AND the princess, who wouldn't want her on their side? For the last half of the movie she just sits around shouting "mother" not really doing anything productive...nothing at all...you were slicing people up and kicking asses...what happened?

So, looking back from when I was a child, this movie definitely does not par to what I remember it to be. It was not dark at all, more like awkwardly humorous with a pinch of dreariness hanging over it. It's not even a good Mystery Science Theater movie. I'm sorry Willow but you've just been added to the "Wasted time of my life" movie pile.